Honesty and Commitment: A Father's Example
“The righteous walk in integrity—
happy are the children who follow them!”
Father's Day is always a little extra meaningful to me because it is always close to my wife and mine's wedding anniversary. Father's Day fell on our wedding day which made that day even more special. Both my father and father-in-law set great examples of being a husband and a father. On the surface most people would think that my father and my father-in-law had little in common and in actuality that might be true with the exception of at least three things. First, they both loved to fish and there are many great fishing tales to tell. Second, they were both impeccably honest. Third, they were committed and loyal to their families.
I remember discussing honesty during Vacation Bible School one summer when I was probably 7 or 8. I am not sure what the Biblical theme of the lesson that day was but I do remember the leader saying that Jesus was the only perfect human being. I had heard that before in Sunday School and easily accepted that statement. The friends that I was sitting with accepted that statement as well. Then someone made the comment that Jesus was the only person who never told a lie. Someone else pointed out that George Washington had never told a lie either even when it meant he would was going to get in trouble for cutting down a cherry tree. The leader attempted to quickly quell that line of discussion by simply reiterating that Jesus was the only perfect person and that even George Washington had probably lied at some point in his life. She went further to say if you really think about it almost everyone you know has lied at some time even if it wasn't a harmful lie. I don't think that I said anything (it was probably close to snack time) but I do remember thinking of my dad right then and not being able to recall a time that he had lied. That was the first of many times in my life where I was consciously aware of my dad's honesty and the example it set for me.
My father is an aerospace engineer and he truly loves everything about being an engineer. Even though he is retired he still (and always will) approach problems as an engineer does. His approach is thorough and analytical and his solutions are always exact with little need for interpretation. He often states how thankful he is to be an engineer because he can always be honest.
I believe that my father's ingrained sense of honesty is one of the reasons that my parent's marriage has been so strong. My father and I were returning from a trip that we had taken together when I was in high school when he spoke about his love for my mother and our family. My father's devotion to my mother and our family were always evident but his sincerity that day is something that I continue to reflect on even today.
Grandkids watching the sunset at my father-in-laws favorite fishing spot.
From the first time that I met my father-in-law until the last time that I spoke with him, there was never any doubt that his family was the most important part of his life. My father-in-law was the type of person that believed that a firm a hand-shake agreement was just as binding as a written contract. He valued open honest communications and his thoughts on a particular topic were never in doubt. Asking his permission to marry his daughter was an intimidating experience not because of what his potential reaction might be but because I knew that he would not only have expectations but would tell me exactly what those expectations were. As expected, he made his expectations clear and there was no doubt that he intended to always be a protective presence for his family. He also assured me that I was part of that family.
My father-in-law and I were able to fish together for a couple of hours the day before he died. Normally, fishing was a friendly competition between he and I. We each enjoyed catching more or bigger fish than the other but he was very relaxed that day sitting in the shade drinking tea out of his Texaco glass. He expressed thankfulness for his wife and spoke about the joy that his children and grandchildren brought him. He encouraged me to "slow down" and appreciate the things that were important. I miss him.
I am blessed to have a wonderful marriage and wonderful children. The direction that my father and my father-in-law established continue to guide me and I realize those lessons will never end. My wife and I celebrated our anniversary a few years ago by attending a concert of one of our favorite musicians, George Strait. Many of his songs remind me of various times in my life but "Love Without End, Amen" definitely makes me think of my father. In the opening verse of the song, a young boy has to tell his father about getting in trouble at school. I didn't get in trouble at school much but I can sympathize with the boy in the song because there were many times that I had to tell my father something that I thought would disappoint him. It wasn't easy and the outcome wasn't always without consequences but my dad's love was always there and I know that it always will be.
““Let me tell you a secret about a father’s love,
A secret that my daddy said was just between us.”
He said, “Daddies don’t just love their children every now and then.
It’s a love without end, amen, it’s a love without end, amen.”
”