Play Ball! Have Fun!
“Even children show what they are by what they do; you can tell if they are honest and good.”
"Mom, I am glad that dad doesn't know anything about baseball."
"Why is that son?"
"Because he can't help me."
This exchange was part of a conversation that my wife had with our oldest son earlier in the day. Without context I wasn't sure how to react. Baseball is America's past time and I have most of the good and possibly some of the bad traits that come with proudly making the proclamation, "I am an American." I love apple pie but I never was a baseball fan. I enjoyed competing in and watching many types athletic activities throughout my life but baseball was not one of them. I had attended one Major League Baseball game in my life but that was to watch a Beach Boys concert that followed the game. It was evident that I was not meant to be a baseball dad and my son knew it.
Regardless of my personal interest in baseball, my son's statement left me feeling somewhat inadequate and deficient. After all, as a parent you always want to be able to help your child. It was also an embarrassing and painful reminder that one of the few times that we had played catch my son ended up with a broken nose. This was a sad situation.
Fortunately, my son managed to persevere and overcome not having a baseball dad. My son did inherit an interest in sports from my wife and I and was always competitive in any sport in which he participated - including baseball. He was consistently selected as a Little League All Star and one day we received an invitation to participate with a summer travel team. Baseball dad or not this was a different level of commitment. My wife and I tentatively agreed to "try" baseball on a traveling team.
At the first meeting of this baseball organization the coach made it clear that his efforts were directed towards the players and not the parents. The coach's advice was "drop your kids off and tell them to have fun." That was something that I could do and my wife and I purposely always told our son to "have fun." Admittedly we sometimes did this as a private way of "mocking" the coach but it did become a habit for me to continue to say "have fun." After all, this was about all that I had to offer in the way of support.
My son's passion for baseball continued to grow even as he was participating in other school sports. He excelled in all sports that he played including basketball which is one of the sports that I have always enjoyed and that I have actively "helped" with. Even when I thought I could help, "have fun" proved to be the best way to help.
I have grown to appreciate baseball and I have grown to appreciate my son's passion for baseball. My son's commitment to baseball was his commitment. It would be a tidy way to wrap up this reflection by stating that I believe that the somewhat distant support and the simple statement to "have fun" contributed to him gravitating to baseball but I don't think that the statement "have fun" had much to do with that. As a matter of fact, I am not even sure the he heard me say it much of the time. What I have come to realize is that the statement "have fun" was as much for me as it was for him.
"Have Fun" set my expectation for the game. It reminded me that the blessing was not the outcome of the game nor my son's performance during the game. The blessing was the time spent with my son and that is something for which I am truly thankful. Ray Wylie Hubbard shares a similar sentiment in his song Mother Blues. The song describes a colorful life and concludes with an expression of gratitude for many blessings including spending time with his son. The last two lines of the song illustrate a great mindset for appreciating the moment.
“And the days that I keep my gratitude higher than my expectations
Well, I have really good days”
I don't always have this mindset when spending time with my family but those are great moments when I do. Recently my son thanked me for attending an event in which he was participating. His "thank you" was unsolicited, unexpected, and very much appreciated.